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GIMME A BEER, BITCH!

EAST BENSON HIGHWAY

JUNE 6, 4:36 P.M.

A man who said his wife gave him enough money for a soda, but not a beer, took his frustration out on a couple of Circle K clerks, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Dispatch received a call from the Circle K at 3102 E. Benson Highway about a man in the store, possibly on "shrooms," who was slamming beer-cooler doors, talking to himself and "pretending to shoot people with his fingers."

When deputies arrived at the scene, the man had just exited the store. Asked what was going on, he replied, "Nothing." He then said his wife had given him money for a soda, but not enough for a beer. Asked if he had been taking any substances that might alter his behavior, the man said "K2"—a type of synthetic cannabis—and that he smoked it "all the time."

A clerk told deputies that the subject had entered the store pointing his finger like a pistol and yelling, "Pow, pow, pow!" He slammed the cooler doors, she said, and yelled things to no one in particular, like, "Fucking bitch, all I wanted was a beer!"

Another clerk described the man as "obviously delusional." When the clerks asked him to not slam the cooler doors, he allegedly told them, "Shut up. You're gonna get your ass kicked."

After handcuffing the subject, deputies searched him and found a container labeled "Potpourri" and a smoking instrument. They also found two switchblades.

The man was jailed on suspicion of disorderly conduct.


THE WORST THIRST

SOUTH PALO VERDE ROAD

MAY 31, 11:10 A.M.

A man who was asked not to fill an enormous mug at a McDonald's soft-drink station went into an F-word frenzy, according to a PCSD report.

Deputies responded to a call from the McDonald's at 5225 S. Palo Verde Road, where the manager and a hostess told them an apparent transient tried to fill his mug without paying for the soda. The hostess informed the subject that the sodas were only for customers, although he could get free water at the counter. He then reportedly told her to "go sit her fucking ass down" and called her several names that "start with the word fuck."

The manager said that when he confronted the man, the subject retorted, "Fuck you; call the police," and let loose a string of vulgarities and profanities before leaving.

The subject and another person who had been seen asking people for change near the drive-through window were arrested on suspicion of disturbing the peace.

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