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BIG-ASS CRIME

UA AREA

JAN. 27, 10:35 A.M.

Two University of Arizona employees received some naughty unsolicited packages in the mail, according to a UA Police Department report.

A UA officer was dispatched to the Arizona State Museum, 1013 E. University Blvd., on a report of a suspicious package. An employee said she found a package containing oversized pink women's underwear in her work mailbox with a card that read, "At our age, thongs are not an option."

On the front of the card was a picture of a dog holding up a pair of pink underwear, under which was written, "I hope you will enjoy this as much as I have! They're a nice fit."

The employee didn't recognize the signature, and could think of no enemies she had at work.

However, she said that her female supervisor had also received a package around the same time, in her own work mailbox, that contained blue women's underwear (also oversized). The supervisor had thrown away the underwear and card, but still had the envelope. It had no return address, but the handwriting resembled that on her employee's card.

UAPD kept the envelopes and underwear as possible evidence.


SPITBALLISTIC

NORTH FLOWING WELLS ROAD

JAN. 15, 1:34 P.M.

A man said he was assaulted while driving his golf cart to a business—and that the assailant's weapon of choice was spit, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

A deputy responded to a complaint of harassment and met with the alleged victim, who said he was driving to a tire shop when a man drove by him in an automobile and launched a wad of spit that hit him on an arm. The man told the deputy that it wasn't "a large amount of spit," but that he'd been having issues with the alleged spitter, who was an acquaintance. The man also said that the spitter owned a firearm, and he was afraid the harassment would escalate.

When the deputy contacted the alleged spitter, he vehemently denied spitting at the golf-cart driver, though he acknowledged having problems with the man. He said the golf-cart driver once came to his residence and made threats, which caused him to threaten the man with the gun he kept in his home.

The alleged spitter admitted driving by the man in the golf cart, but said that all he did was call him "a drunk bastard." He said he was sick and tired of the "drama" between him and the golf-cart driver.

The deputy advised both parties to keep their distance from each other.

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