NO POINTS FOR THE BIKE
FEB. 4, 4:56 P.M.
A proud motorcycle owner went to jail after a nine-day beer binge, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.
Dispatchers received a call from a woman who said a man she knew told her he was going to "drink himself to sleep"—or, as she interpreted it, commit suicide.
When deputies arrived at the subject's house to investigate, a 51-year-old male in a T-shirt and sweatpants cheerfully invited them inside, saying, "Come in, come in!" He looked extremely intoxicated.
When they told him they were there because someone was worried about his health, he simply laughed and said he was fine. Whenever deputies asked him if he wanted to hurt himself, he changed the topic of conversation.
Soon after allowing the deputies into his house, the man enthusiastically brought them to his garage, where he presented them with his Harley-Davidson motorcycle, apparently for no other reason than it being "the last of its kind" and "his prized possession." He was able to walk and stand, deputies noted; however, his speech was slurred, and he stumbled.
He then escorted deputies to his living room, where they saw approximately 10 Budweiser cans sitting on the man's coffee table, including one that appeared to be acting as a makeshift marijuana pipe—and it contained marijuana. The subject refused to answer any questions; he did, however, declare that he'd been drinking for nine days straight.
En route to jail for drug possession, the subject began muttering that it wasn't right to arrest him just for having marijuana, because he hadn't been "bugging anyone." He then mumbled something about suing the Sheriff's Department for violating his civil rights.
STUPID PEN TRICK
FEB. 11, 4 P.M.
A UA student got a police record for stealing a near-worthless item he neither needed nor wanted, according to a UA Police Department report.
A security guard at the UA Bookstore, 1209 E. University Blvd., said he saw a man slip a miniature Sharpie highlighter up the left sleeve of his shirt. The man paid for several other items, the guard said, and left the bookstore. When he confronted the subject, the security guard said, the student was extremely uncooperative but eventually allowed himself to be apprehended and returned to the store.
The subject admitted to officers that he'd stolen the highlighter but swore he "had no use for it." He said he'd simply been looking at it and was "too lazy" to put it back in the display box. He also admitted he had a debit card he could have used to pay for the highlighter (valued at $1.59).
He was arrested for shoplifting.