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Police Dispatch

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A Penis in the Classroom

University Area, Jan. 26, 5:46 p.m.

According to a University of Arizona Police Department report, officers arrested a Tucson man after he allegedly tried to attend class while donning only tennis shoes and an American flag decal stuck to his chest.

The UA professor teaching the course asked the near-naked man to leave. When Matthew C. Kramer, 26, refused, the professor called police.

According to Officer De La Ossa's report, Kramer was sitting in a seat near the back of a social science classroom with his genitals exposed. A student found Kramer's clothes in a nearby restroom.

Kramer refused to clothe himself and answer police questions. Police wrapped Kramer's sweatshirt around his waist, covering his penis and most of his buttocks, the report stated.

Officer De La Ossa photographed Kramer for evidence and took him to UAPD, where Kramer agreed to put on some clothing. Kramer was arrested and taken to Pima County Jail on suspicion of trespassing, disorderly conduct, indecent exposure and disturbing an educational institution, the report stated.

The professor and several students said they were willing to press charges against Kramer.

The dean of students said that Kramer is not welcome on the UA campus.


Pizza Delivery Car Stolen

North Starview Drive and West Ina Road, Jan. 13, 10:36 p.m.

According to a PCSD report, somebody stole a pizza delivery driver's car when he left it running while delivering a pie.

The Papa John's employee said he left the car running at an apartment complex parking lot while he went into an apartment to deliver the pizza.

When the delivery driver returned to the lot, he saw his car being driven away toward a dead end inside the complex. The employee knew the car would have to turn around, so he waited for it in the lot.

The car reportedly turned around and accelerated toward the Papa John's employee, causing him to jump out of the way in order to avoid being hit by his own car.

The Papa John's employee reported the theft and was told by deputies to call back if he sees his car--which may still be displaying the Papa John's lighted sign on the roof.


Peeing on the Post Office

South Camino De Oeste West Valencia Road, Jan. 12, 1:30 p.m.

A woman urinated on a post office floor after a postal employee told her she needed to sign two forms if she wanted to pick up a certified letter, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

The woman entered the post office, at 4700 W. Valencia Road, and when she was told to sign the two forms, she lifted up her dress, squatted and urinated on the lobby floor. She then left with the letter.

The postal employee who was dealing with the woman ran after her and asked her if she was going to clean up the mess, but the woman got into her car and sped off.

The woman never signed either form, but the post office was able to find her name and address and give that information to PCSD.

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