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The Brown Bunny

Columbia Tri Star
Movie B-
Special Features F
DVD Geek Factor 8.5 (if you dig graphic blow jobs) (out of 10)

Let's see ... how can I word my reaction to the infamous oral sex scene in Vincent Gallo's critically maligned film? People of all ages will be reading this, so I must be discreet.

Chloe Sevigny gives Vincent Gallo a massive hummer in this movie. Right on screen! No trick photography, no big fake male member. That's Gallo's unsightly manhood in her mouth, and I think she finishes the job off, if you know what I mean. I hear Gallo and Sevigny had dated at one time, so the scene comes off as an all too private documentary about Gallo's penis in his ex-girlfriend's mouth rather than straight-up porn. By the way, hats off to Gallo. You have a really big joint. I mean huge.

OK, now the movie. Gallo apparently made two edits of this film, one really long and one not so long. The first version made Roger Ebert retch, and the second got a thumbs-up from the old sage, so there you go. Both featured Gallo's wonder wand finding a hospitable location in Chloe Sevigny's mouth.

Seriously, about the movie. Gallo plays a motorcycle rider clearly bothered by something. He sets off on a cross-country trek, at one point making out with Cheryl Tiegs seconds after meeting her. He also encounters a couple of brown bunnies along the way, thus the movie's title. Eventually, he winds up in a Los Angeles hotel room where Sevigny stops by and undoubtedly, unquestionably puts Vincent Gallo's most valued body part in her mouth. I mean, she really does it! She gets most of it in there, which is quite the feat 'cause it's really huge!

There has been some talk in the past that the man thing on screen is either a prosthetic or "stunt cock." Hogwash. I watched the scene somewhere in the neighborhood of 37 times (research), and I'm telling you, that's Gallo's joint. And it's really, really big. Sorry ... back to the movie. It's actually pretty good, an effective look at a man who is clearly bugged by something. For most of the running time, there's a sense that Gallo's character is yearning for love. The final minutes of the movie show that he's not really yearning so much as completely lost in his head.

Gallo wrote, edited, produced, directed and did some of the camerawork. Say, that gets me to thinking. If Gallo was in charge of some camerawork, perhaps he snuck a trick lens into the proceedings in order to make his unholy organ look really, really big. I mean, this guy puts most donkeys to shame!

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for centering on the blow job. I realize that film is an art, and sexuality, for some, is an important facet of that art. That said, holy cow, I still can't believe Chloe Sevigny put Gallo's sex piece in her mouth for a movie. This isn't one of those late-night Cinemax "bobbing head obscuring the action" kind of sex acts. This is the real deal, and history has indeed been made.

Special Features: None, unless you count Gallo's gigantic phallus.

The Simspsons: The Complete Sixth Season

Fox Video
Show A-
Special Features A
DVD Geek Factor 8 (out of 10)

The sixth season of TV's longest-running animated show featured such treats as the "Who Shot Mr. Burns" mystery and Lisa's rivalry with another school genius (played by Winona Ryder). One of my favorite episodes would have to be the strangest, where Homer comes across a sugar truck wreck, shovels the "white gold" into his car, and aspires to be a door-to-door sugar salesman. Blessedly weird.

This season gets downgraded from an A to A- because the laughs aren't quite as frequent as in seasons past, although the Sideshow Bob Roberts episode averages a laugh every five seconds. A couple of episodes, including the one where the Simpsons travel to Itchy and Scratchy Land, feel as if the creators were a little short on ideas that year.

Special Features: A commentary on all 25 episodes, a funny introduction by creator Matt Groening and some interesting animation details. The Simpsons remains one of the high-water marks in television DVD.

David Chappelle: For What It's Worth

Columbia Tri Star
Show B
Special Features D
DVD Geek Factor 5 (out of 10)

Chappelle films a pretty funny stand-up at San Francisco's historic Fillmore. The jokes are good, but the audience appears bored for the most part, as if waiting for Chappelle to bust out some of his Chappelle Show shtick. Some of the better material includes his story about a bus held hostage by a masturbating homeless guy, and Chappelle's travails at Disneyland (everybody keeps yelling "Rick James, bitch!" in front of his kids). Eat it up, folks, because this is the most Chappelle you will get for a while. There's no sign of him coming back for a third season of his show.

Special Features: Some footage of Chappelle honing his material at The Comedy Cellar. Not very exciting.

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