Read three times and committed to the editor, Tucson Weekly, made the order of the day and days henceforth until Dec. 31, 2013, and ordered to be printed, Mr. Smith, medical marijuana columnist, reported the following resolution concerning Medical Marijuana.
Sec. 1: Be it resolved that Mr. Smith will exercise more due diligence in fact-finding. I've spent a fair amount of my Mr. Smith time telling you what I think. That's what I'm here for, largely, but at a certain point, telling you what I think with a thinnish foundation of facts starts to sound pretty empty. I frequently burn 80 percent of my space on my opinions. Sometimes that's too much. Who gives a fuck what I think, ultimately? It's not like I am an oracle, sent by The Editors to enlighten you with my astute Observations of The World and my nuances of introspection. I'm just some guy who can spell, basically, sent by the Mother of Invention to sell grammar to the Tucson Weekly. There's a little more to it than that, but I guess I am saying I plan to lean more toward real information in this space as opposed to the bullshit opinions of some guy who can spell.
Sec. 2: Be it resolved that Mr. Smith, recognizing that his vernacular can, in some circles, detract from his credibility, and recognizing that a paradigm shift is in order for cannabis terminology, will make a run at using more serious words and shit. Like the vast majority of my readers, I started using cannabis long before its medical uses were common knowledge. I started smoking pot because it's fun, not because it was relieving my neck pain. So when I started this column, I decided to recognize the recreational underpinnings of the drug. I mostly suck at ignoring elephants in the room, partly because it's my nature and partly because it's my job. I am much more inclined to say, "Hey, look at that!! There's a fucking elephant in the room!! Cool! Why is there an elephant in here?!?! Whose elephant is this!? How long has he been in here? Wow. Doesn't he get in the way?? This is awesome. I like elephants." So I decided not to ignore the recreational elephant in the room. As a result, I have taken some fire for not being serious enough. But if you read past them, my stoner refs are usually a thin veneer on thoughtful, fact-based writing. But I'm not trying to alienate anyone, so in 2013 I plan to inject a little more Watson and Crick and a little less Cheech and Chong.
Sec. 3: Be it resolved that Mr. Smith, recognizing that advocacy isn't a sin and that it might even help advance the conversation, will support the burgeoning medical cannabis industry in Arizona and beyond. I've said a couple of times in this column that I'm not an advocate, but I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I can't be the Charles Barkley of the medical cannabis world. Like it or not, I am a role model, so to speak. It's starting to seem a little silly, given my role here, to cling to the traditional (and very valuable and dear-to-my-heart) concept of unbiased reporting. Fuck that. I am a medical cannabis advocate. There, I said it. I will continue to offer you facts about medical cannabis, and I will certainly call the kettle black when it's black. But henceforth I am considering myself a bit more of a medical cannabis advocate and a bit less of an objective reporter. And I won't feel guilty about it anymore ;)
Committed this First Day of January, 2013, and duly noted in the files of the Tucson Weekly, a publication of Wick Communications.