News & Opinion » Danehy

Danehy

In honor of the year that was 2009, here's a short quiz

by

comment

It's not every year that New Year's Eve falls on a Thursday, the day the Tucson Weekly officially comes out (although I generally start getting hate mail late Wednesday afternoon).

In fact, it's not even once every seven years, although I assume that over an infinite number of years, it would average out to that. The next time it will fall on a Thursday is six years from now, and then again five years after that. To balance things out, New Year's Eve hasn't fallen on a Thursday since 1998, which is also the last time the Arizona Wildcats played Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl. Nice coincidence.

Anyway, here's a little quiz I put together for you looking back on what was, on balance, a sucko year, unless you got married or had a baby or something, in which case, you know, good for you. Here's hoping that 2010 will be better for everybody.

1. One week last summer, a group of Marana-area residents staged a series of demonstrations protesting:

a. Crime

b. Graffiti

c. Cuts in education funding

d. A cell-phone tower that looks like a palm tree

Bonus question: True or false? People in that same neighborhood had previously complained about lousy cell-phone service in their area.

2. Tiger Woods did not have an affair with tennis star Serena Williams because:

a. She's black

b. Actually, all I've got is a

3. UA athletic director Jim Livengood lost his job after 16 years because:

a. The Wildcats won too many national championships during his tenure

b. His program was always in the black, even during tough economic times

c. He didn't kiss the butt of every rich white dude who came along with a wad of cash in his hand

d. He was term-limited out

4. Karin Uhlich's razor-thin victory over political novice (and Republican!) Ben Buehler-Garcia in November's City Council election can be attributed to:

a. Widespread voter discontent over budget issues and the city's direction

b. Faulty voting machines

c. An insidious right-wing conspiracy

d. Widespread voter discontent over budget issues and the city's direction

5. If, as the saying goes, a camel is a horse built by a committee, then the health-care "reform" that emerges from Congress will be most like:

a. A paint-by-the-numbers project done by Ray Charles, who is now both blind and dead

b. A committee built by a horse

c. A glowing testament to bipartisanship (between Democrats and sorta Democrats ... and Joe Lieberman ... and the guy from Nebraska)

d. A festering turd of what passes for legislation these days

6. Now that Republican Steve Kozachik is a part of the Tucson City Council, he:

a. Is lonelier than a black guy at Brigham Young University

b. Is oddly intrigued by Regina Romero's vocabulary-ization-iosity

c. Is wondering when Mayor Bob Walkup is going to show up

d. Is starting to wonder if his is a lost "Koz"

7. The biggest wreath at Michael Jackson's funeral came from:

a. The lawyers who were on retainer to defend against child-molestation charges

b. The cosmetic-surgery industry

c. Whoever paid the coroner to say that a 5-foot-10, 120-pound man with more drugs in his veins than blood was "healthy"

d. The national Association of Baby Danglers, New York Chapter

8. The head information-technology guy at a school district near Phoenix is facing possible felony charges because he cost the district more than $1 million when he used school computers to search for:

a. Vacation deals

b. Signs of intelligent life in the universe

c. His ancestry

d. Gambling sites

9. Convicted dog-abuser/killer Michael Vick: a. Was voted "Most Courageous" by his Philadelphia Eagles teammates

b. Says that he "deserves" another chance to play in the NFL

c. Once apparently said, "I have two weapons—my legs, my arm and my brain"

d. Sadly, all of the above

Happy New Year!

Answers: 1. d; Bonus: True; 2. a; 3. c; 4. a; 5. d; 6. d; 7. No one knows; 8. b; 9. d.

Add a comment