Dear Weekly readers who e-mailed today asking if this piece floating through the interwebs could be true — did the Guv sign off a new gay to straight conversion curriculum called People Can Change set to start in all Arizona public school beginning Nov. 1?
No. Not happening. It's satire, just not Onion satire.
But yeah, I feel your pain. This is Arizona and we're prepared for anything to happen. So sad a citizenry we are that this sets Southern Arizonans in a panic. But shit, doesn't mean it won't happen. In Arizona, anything crazy is possible.
From the National Report that set the remaining reasonable people in Arizona in a panic today:
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer who signed off on the the ‘People Can Change’ program told CNN she is excited about the program. “I think this will be an amazing opportunity for gay children to finally learn who they truly are for once in their lives,” Brewer said. “Can you imagine how much more productive these ‘now-straight’ children will be not always being bullied or wondering why god made them defective? What we have done here today is monumental. I can only hope and pray that other states follow suit.”
Sheriff Joe Arpaio who runs some of the toughest jails and prisons in the country applauds Brewer’s decision. “Less gays in our jails makes for a smoother running prison system. There will be no more prancing around along with all the other gay activities that homosexuals like to do,” Arpaio said. “More importantly, we as parents can now sleep a little better at night just knowing there will be less gays out there wandering the streets trying to molest our children. I’m excited about this and I know all Arizonans are too.”
Folks at People Can Change even went out of their way to post a "this is satire" disclaimer at the top of their website:
The satirical website National Report has issued a FAKE news story alleging that People Can Change programs have been adopted by Arizona public schools. Its own disclaimer admits, "All news articles contained within National Report are fiction, and presumably fake news."
In fact, the spokesperson is fake, the interview is fake, the photo with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is fake, the press conference is fake — and the quotes are fake, rude, and demeaning of gays.
This satire is not reflective of our organizational values, including compassion, understanding and respect for all who deal with or have ever dealt with homosexuality, however they may choose to address it in their lives. (See Mission and Philosophy.)
People Can Change does not provide programs or services for minors. We are a peer-led support organization of men who have personally experienced significant change from unwanted same-sex attractions ourselves and who now share our experience and give support to other adults who voluntarily seek similar change.