One Man's Crusade to Capture a Package Thief Proves That Not Everything Out of Phoenix is Terrible

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A Phoenix man (who apparently loves the hell out of being in front of TV cameras) had a package stolen from off of his doorstep, and took his fight to the streets — and to Phoenix's KPHO.

Now sure, the guy has a sense of humor about the whole matter (after all, he only lost an ice tray and Keurig coffee pods), but damned if he doesn't like to chew through scenery like Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday.

Still, I suggest you take a look at the wanted poster he's been slapping up all over his neighborhood (using University of Arizona duct tape, no less — a Tucson connection!), because it's got a few gems scattered around on it:




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From the description of the wanted poster show (in cropped form) above:


Description of Perp: Jerk

Eyes: Vacant, uncaring and lacking a soul

Sex: Female-ish

Nationality: Un-American

Distinguishing Marks: Shameful and a super awkward running style

Parental Involvement: Lacking



Those sick burns right there? Those are what happens when you take advantage of your fellow man, jerk.

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