So There Might Be An Amy's Baking Company Reality Show, and I Hate Everything About This

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(Note: Last week, when writing about the Jodi Arias Lifetime Original Movie Whoops! He Fell On the Knife Over and Over Again or whatever the hell it's called, I used the phrase "this is fucking stupid."

I would like to apologize for using that sentence — not because it is offensive to those who have tender language sensibilities, but because repeated use of that phrase tends to lessen its impact...that, and I have a self-imposed quota for the seven words you can't say on television that I may soon go over. With that said...)

According to the widely-read, nationally-known food blog Eater, there is a rumor that a reality television series based on the exploits of Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, owners of Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale, is in the works.

This news comes via a report from Radar Online, who writes that an unnamed source claims that Cineflix (the producers of such television gold as American Pickers and Property Virgins) is "the most serious production company trying to secure Amy and Samy." God help them.

More from Radar Online:

“Amy and Samy are all for it because they feel like it’s the only way to keep their restaurant open.”

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Amy and Samy’s appearance on Kitchen Nightmares was the most memorable in the show’s history, and after an onslaught of online hate mail and death threats directed towards the couple it was revealed that Amy is a convicted felon, Samy is currently facing deportation, the restaurant had a history of Health Department violations and business continues to fail — making them reality TV gold.

“Right now their agent is just looking out for them to make sure they get the best deal, so they want to wait on signing with Cineflix to make sure they’ve seen all the deals on the table,” the source told Radar.

“But no doubt, you will be seeing Amy and Samy on TV again sometime in the future. They need to generate money and publicity to keep their business going, otherwise customers just dropping in because of their Kitchen Nightmares appearance will fizzle and their restaurant will go under.”

This is fucking stupid.

Actually, "fucking stupid" doesn't accurately describe the situation.

It's painfully, mind-numbingly, borderline-rage-inducingly stupid, particularly because it reaffirms the notion that we as a nation (and I, unfortunately, as a member of the media that unjustly rewarded this pair of assclowns with a spotlight) have created a culture in which circus sideshow acts are rewarded with fame solely for acting like mercurial, oblivious narcissists.

These are people that screamed at and pushed customers; that lost their damn minds at high-school aged employees that showed them too much "attitude"; and turned away a world-renowned chef when he didn't give their food a sparkling endorsement after one meal.

And they did all of that in one hour of television.

Now people want to reward them for their inability to control themselves, and that's a damn shame.

Note the suggestion that the restaurant would go under isn't part of that shame — failure is to be expected when the food is consistently noted as unremarkable (if not outright bad) and (according to Gordon Ramsey) undercooked...not to mention when the service is so bad as to force people out of the restaurant.

Hell, that failure isn't surprising, particularly in light of the fact that they lost their goddamn minds at critics on the Internet, claimed they were "hacked" and then lost their association with Arizona's most infamous PR firm.

These people are a sideshow, and their restaurant is a sinking ship. They don't need a grotesque showcase for their increasing disappointing lives, they need to fail, learn from their mistakes, and climb out of the smoldering crater that is their professional lives — or at the very damn least, they need to simply go the hell away.

But really, what's least surprising is that the production company that's angling for the rights to give them a television show is the same one that has produced dramatized versions of doomed celebrities' final hours in Final 24 — this simply cements them as vultures, aching to pick the bones of dying, failed properties.

I hope this show doesn't get picked up — though I have a suspicion that it will.

Enjoy your televised failure-porn, America.

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