by David Mendez
Parenting is hard, from what I understand. Kids are, from time to time, tremendous assholes. Whiny, entitled, spoiled and picky as hell — trust me, I was at least one of those things at any given time for much of my adolescent life.
But my parents had the good sense to, y'know, parent me, as opposed to trying to teach me lessons.
Unlike these folks from Scottsdale, which is fast becoming a cultural black hole of absolutely batshit people:
My kids are becoming really picky eaters and arn't finishing their plates. I told them "There are starving people out there who would love to have that," but they don't seem to get it. I would like to force them to throw away the food from their unfinished plates in front of someone who is really really skinny who will act hungry.
I'd love for you to get into the role. Maybe a wide-eyed-whimper and extension of an emancipated claw/hand as the meatloaf slides into the trash can. Must be able to pull off dejected as you sulk away.
I'd love to avoid meth skinny for obvious reasons. Also actual hunger skinny because that meatloaf is staying in the trash. Also would like to avoid some sort of body-image-malfunction skinny because my daughter is so impressionable right now (which is why it's prime time to teach this lesson). My #1 choice would be parasite skinny, but I know chances of finding that are slim.
Hah! "Slim." Get it? It's a play on words that may or may not have been completely unintentional.
No word on whether or not this position has been filled, but...yeah.
Now would be a good time to note that, at the bottom of the ad, the gig would offer no compensation for watching entitled brats throw their food into a garbage can, then shooed away like some Dickensian beggar. NO MEATLOAF FOR YOU, URCHIN. GET OUT.