by Dan Gibson
The Christian film review site (although the term "review" is somewhat generous) Movieguide is often good for a laugh, not necessarily because they carefully index nearly every American film for profanity, nudity, humanist or socialist worldviews, or the stink of Darwinist thinking, but because their obsessive cataloging can lead to some unintentional (I assume) comedy.
In the case of ABCs of Death, now playing at the Loft, you'd think the site's managers could just skip the film, featuring 26 directors from around the world delving into rather disturbing death fantasies, entirely and leave the summary as a giant "NO" in 45-point type. If you sincerely own a copy of the Purpose-Driven Life and don't own a copy of the Korean horror film Old-Boy on Blu-Ray, it's almost a certainty you will hate this movie.
However, in case you were wondering what you're getting yourself into buying a ticket, here's a selection from the Movieguide summary:
Very strong pagan, self-indulgent horror anthology, with one segment attacking the United States and capitalism; 38 obscenities (mostly “f” words), one strong profanity, one light profanity, plus cartoon feces segment and toilet slaughters people; extreme violence with much blood and gore includes chainsaw murder, man impaled, cat is gruesomely killed, fat woman carves up her body with a chainsaw to look thin, spider bites man then crawls inside him and a bunch of baby spiders come out of his ears, character electrocuted, etc.; extreme sexual content includes depicted fornication, men tied up and forced to watch nude sex acts (including implied pedophilia) while graphically abusing themselves or they will be impaled, nude dancing, female teacher passionately kisses her student, anal fixations, another segment contains references to pedophilia, and a huge phallic device spews rice many times while a woman’s vagina spews vegetables in one segment; extreme nudity includes shots full male and female nudity, rear nudity, and upper female nudity; alcohol use; no smoking but some drug references in one segment; and, men held against their will, illegal fight with a dog, people tease a very overweight girl, moral relativism.
There's an illegal fight with a dog, moral relativism AND a segment attacking capitalism? Loft Cinema, how dare you bring this filth into our community.