State Health Dept. Director to Blow Balls on the Internet Today

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If you are really, really ... really, really bored today, you can watch state Department of Health Services Director Will Humble blow balls with numbers on them into a little chamber to pick the recipients of medical marijuana dispensary certificates. Fun.

The show will take place live here between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m., when Humble will pick the "winners" in the lottery for certificates in the 75ish districts that had more than one applicant. Twenty-four districts had no competition, so operators there will get certificates without a drawing. Depending on when you tune in, the ball blowing will interfere with Olympic women's handball, men's field hockey, boxing or beach volleyball. The Tucson area CHAAs (from 102 in Marana to 114 on the South Side) will be drawn between 12:20-12:55 p.m. Mr. Smith doesn't have a TV, so he'll be watching Humble blow balls on the Internet.

The drawing will determine who is eligible to open dispensaries. After that, the operators will have about a year to call for an inspection to determine of they can open with an "approval to operate." The drawing Tuesday will not reveal addresses or names or anything, really, except who gets permission. The information will be coded, so if you watch you won't really see much. Hopefully, these operators will open quickly, so we can shopshopshop and feed the Great American Shopfuck Orgy, in our way. At least one dispensary operator in Tucson is ready to pull the trigger.

Please have your shit together, dispensary operators, so you can open soon. Please?

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