by Dan Gibson
I feel like there are a lot of questions left unanswered by the DeliToYouDirect.com page for the "Banguet, Mini Piglet, Approx. 8Lb" item they have for sale, including what exactly the pig-shaped product is actually made of. I'm into any sort of molded food product, but the page's tactic of telling the "piglet"'s story in the first person might not be the best strategy:
Hello! My name is Banquet Fiesta Piglet!
My middle name IS BONELESS!!!
I'M EASY, just fire up the oven to 300F (I fit almost each of them).
Cover me with the aluminum foil for the first 2 hours, then bake me at 350-400F for additional 1.5 hour or until golden brown.
I'LL BE PERFECTLY CRISP AND TASTY.
Serves from 8-12 HUNGRY GUESTS.
Oh, it'll be "CRISP AND TASTY"? I guess I don't really need to know what I'm supposed to be eating then. Isn't this what happened with Soylent Green?
Still, I'll be ordering at least one.